End With Why - Using "why" as a guide to life!

When Simon says "Run an Ultra Marathon", there's one thing you should go do...

Those familiar with Simon Sinek might have noticed the name of this blog is a play on the title of his global best selling book, "Start With Why". Before reading any further, I suggest you buy this book and start applying it's principles to your life as soon as possible.

Everything we do in life has a "Why" behind it. This is the driving force to your actions and behaviours. Why do you go to the shops? Why do you get angry? Why do you lift weights? Knowing your Why can help cut through the bullshit in your life and ultimately allows a better and more authentic YOU to grow. We each have our most fundamental Why. This is our world view, our higher power and our purpose in life. It dictates everything we do. When we live in alignment with this Why, we feel fulfilled and as a result we grow. When we ignore this why, that's when life starts to slowly wear us down and leaves us burnt out, dissatisfied or even depressed. It can be difficult to determine your fundamental Why, so ask other people to help out. Ask your close friends and family what it is they love about you. Keep asking this until you move past all the superficial garbage to reveal what's underneath and unique to you!

For example: I asked a few friends why they like me. "Because you are really kind and fun to be around". That's great, but there are lots of kind and fun people. What is it about ME? "You are always there for me and help support me at anything I do." Again, amazing, but I know plenty of people in your life who do that. "You really inspire me to live the best life that I can and make me feel capable of things I once thought impossible." Jackpot. Hearing this gave me a deep sense of fulfilment and a cheeky adrenaline buzz. That is my WHY.

Knowing your fundamental Why is your starting place, hence "Start With Why". After that, all your decisions, actions and behaviours come back to that. On a day to day, or moment to moment basis you might have additional Whys stacked on top of this. Knowing these in any giving moment is incredibly useful as it helps give purpose to your actions on a moment by moment basis. Of course, beneath it all is still your world view - your fundamental Why - but knowing the intention behind your actions, just below surface level can help dictate if you should continue with the action or if it's time to quit. Most of the time we are on auto pilot, not thinking about Why we do anything. Taking a moment to pause and reflect on this can be a useful way to declutter your life and remove anything that isn't aligning with your fundamental Why.

Using "Why" for A Fife Coastal Failure/Success

Why did I want to run 210km of self-supported Fife Coastal Path?

1. As a training run for a race later this year.

2. To test out new equipment, nutrition and pacing strategies.

3. To have fun.
   

Three reason to attempt this and three reason to get excited. All three reason can be linked back to my fundamental Why - To inspire others and help them live a better life.

So, at 12:15pm on Friday 19th April 2024, I set off from Larbert Train Station headed towards the start of the Fife Coastal Path in Kincardine. My bag was heavy, but it had to be. I knew I needed to carry plenty of food and water, especially for heading into the night when shops would be closed. Despite this, I felt good. In fact, I felt really good. The sun was shining, my legs felt strong and running felt borderline effortless. This continued well past Kincardine and into Inverkeithing where I stopped for a short resupply at 40km. I grabbed a packet of crisps and refilled my water, then within 15 minutes I was on my way again.

Approximately 20 minutes later I bumped into my friend and ex-colleague, Peter, who was out on a run. He jogged with me for about 5km and we caught up on life. (Technically this makes the run "Supported" but I wasn't going for any records so who really cares...). These miles were lovely. I couldn't believe how distracting my mind in conversation made the running so easy. I've never used a support runner in races, but this glimpse has opened my eyes to a a new world of possibilities. This brief, unexpected encounter was possibly one of the most valuable bits of information I gathered on this adventure.

Shortly after Peter left, the night closed in. I made it to Kirkcaldy just after sunset with a little over 65km completed. By this point, the temperature had dropped so I was starting to shiver. I grabbed some pasta from Lidl and put on a few extra layers before making my way through the streets. Drunk people where everywhere. Hundreds of them. They were entertaining to watch, but I got a few concerned looks from people wondering why a dishevelled man was roaming the streets alone and more importantly, why his hands were covered in tomato pasta. Nobody asked questions though.

Soon after leaving Kirkcaldy, it happened.

An immense sense of isolation and loneliness. I've never experienced this before and hope to never again. With 8 hour of darkness ahead of me, I was mentally not in a good place. I could see the lights of Edinburgh across the River Forth and knew my partner, Alex, was tucked up in bed. I could jump on a train and be with her within the hour. So why wouldn't I do that? Because I wasn't convinced that I had fully satisfied my 1st and 2nd "Whys" fuelling this adventure (Why number 3, "to have fun", was long gone). So, I went on.

1 hour, 2 hours, 3... I persisted but so did the loneliness. 4 hours, 5 hours, 6... it's 3:30am and I am crying. My body feels good but my mind wants me to quit. WHAT IS GOING ON?! My mind never quits. That's not who I am. I take pride in my mental resilience, maybe too much pride, but as such I've attached my identify to it. As my mind gives up, my identity comes under attack and my self worth starts to crumble. This. Is. Not. Me. Fuelled by the fear of an identity crisis I carry on. 7 hours, 8 hours and then... there's the sun.

I have another small cry. This time it comes from relief... I think.

110km done, only 100km to go. The night is over and it's daylight sailing now! My mood picks up so I start to run. I can't believe how easy running feels! I check my watch and I'm comfortably managing a 6:30min/km pace! I decide to try maintain this pace all the way to Ness Lighthouse 10km away. I'm feeling good again. Really good. I just focus on what's ahead of me don't look at my watch for a while. After what feels like about 20-30minutes I check to see how far I just ran. Ness Lighthouse must only be about 5-6 km away now....WHAT.....I've only been running for 3.5 minutes and covered just over 500m.

My world comes crashing down.

Why am I here?

Why am I here?

Why am I here?

This question goes through my head over and over again as I walk with my tail between my legs. I walk for 4.5 hours straight. No running whatsoever. I keep ruminating on this question. Why am I here? Eventually, I access a moment of clarity. Why did I START this run?

1. As a training run for a race later this year.

2. To test out new equipment, nutrition and pacing strategies.

3. To have fun.

At this moment, I recognise I have satisfied all three of these "Whys". So why am I still plodding on? What is my driving force in this moment? I take a moment of reflect and find the answer...

I don't want to deal with the embarrassment and judgement from failure.

Now lets take a moment to analyse this. Does this "why" align with my fundamental why? No, it does not. So pushing on with this as my driving force is taking me further and further out of alignment with my fundamental Why, my life purpose, my higher self, whatever you want to call it. Continuing, leads me further from authenticity and further from fulfilment.

This recognition washes over me and I experience a moment of complete self acceptance. This is the time to quit. A time when you are completely satisfied with the outcome. A time when you are certain on the correct course of action. It feels good. No indecision, no resistance, just certainty.

I made it 134km total and learned a lot.

This was the first run I have completed in which my mind gave up on me. But I'm proud. It feels really good to know why I quit. Despite failing to run 210km it doesn't feel like a failure. It feels like a huge success. I succeeded in aligning the adventure with my 3 starting Whys. Once those were completed, I succeeded in quitting when my Why for continuing fell out of alignment with my fundamental Why.

So What's The Takeaway

The lessons learnt here don't just apply to ultra running, they apply to everything. Knowing why you do anything is crucial for a life of clarity and fulfilment. So, if you want to apply this to your life, here is what you can do:

1. Start With Why - Learn about your fundamental why. What drives you beneath everything else? When do you feel best? What do you do that makes you feel fulfilled?

2. Find Your Why - In every moment, find your Why behind your decisions. Why did you say that? Why do you feel that? Why did you do that? If your Why in each moment aligns with your fundamental Why, then keep going!

3. End With Why - If you discover the Why behind any of your decisions opposes your fundamental why, aim to end things there.

This ping pong from Why to Why is what create positive direction for growth in your life. It helps remove indecision and guides you towards the best life you can live!